Injury & Recovery

Well it has been a while since I have written anything for myself or my site so I figured I would come back with the way I have been feeling through recovery. As you can see on my arm I have some new scars. On April 29th 2023 I made a mistake on my mountain bike and unfortunately when you make a mistake on a bike on the north shore of British Columbia things can go wrong in a hurry. And boy did they ever on that day. I don't need to go into the details of the trails or the mistake as they are not important and for only me to learn from. What I want to talk about is the mental and physical energy it takes to get through these things sometimes and all of the people and assumptions you have to fight through to get back to where you need to be for your mental health more so than your physical health. So let's talk about the crash and the chaos after it. I found myself in the air clearing a gap jump larger than most if not all I have ever done before which I was so stoked on but unfortunately I lowered my eyes to the landing and when I looked back up I had to react faster than I expected and panic braked to find myself going over the bars.......This time I thought quick enough to tuck my arms and attempt a roll into the crash to help stave off injury......well unluckily for me I landed on a large patch of moss that happened to be hiding a large rock under it and on impact my arm literally broke in half.......I knew it was bad before I saw how bad it actually was. I stood up to dust myself off as you do on a trail after a crash and try and tell yourself it is going to be okay even though you have that gut feeling it is not. I lifted my arm to start dusting off when I looked down and saw what used to be my intact arm just flop to one side with my hand limp and my forearm swollen the size of a grapefruit and blood starting to spurt out from the hole the bone put through my arm.......at this point you have to fight hard to not lose your composure and panic. My fucking hand just flopped over because the only thing holding it to my body was the flesh the bones broke through. It is now that I tell myself no matter what it is going to be okay. I am surrounded by friends and they'll get help and somehow this is going to be okay. Please just let this be okay I hear myself saying over and over while rolling around in pain on the ground. Luckily for me I had some friends with me who took charge of the situation and bandaged me up as best they could until rescue got there. Now picture yourself lying on the ground with a broken arm that is not being held up from the bones and all you can try and do is tell everyone you are okay and not get upset because of the lessons my old man taught me he taught me panic is a killer. Nothing good comes from a clouded mind only a clear one. You do not make good decisions without a clear head and you should always keep that in mind no matter what situation you find yourself in. My old man taught me this first when I started body surfing in Mexico when I was seven. I don't remember what the beach was called but I remember being in the water with him when he was teaching me to catch a wave. Now the waves were bigger than any I had ever been in and my dad said let the wave take you and when it crashes and you go under just let it take you into the washing machine. You'll find yourself tumbling exactly like you're an old tee shirt in the wash getting thrown wherever the ocean wants to take you and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it so stay calm don't panic and hold your breath and feel the the wave subside, this is when you find your bearings and get to the surface of the water. I have never forgotten this old man, so thank you for that. Anyway I am laying there trying to put on a brave face and crack jokes and hope rescue gets there before the real pain sets in. Thankfully that is exactly what happened. We have an amazing group of people in BC in our first responders they have always done right by me that is for sure. Now I get to the hospital high as a kite and in a lot of pain but overall I am pretty good considering. What you're never prepared for is the chaos of the emergency room. The sounds the screams, the yelling, commotion and all the people. At this point in time I am lucky to have company in Marta (my wife) and Chelsea (friend) who are keeping me company can keeping the riffraff out of my space and making me feel overall better not being there by myself. At this time they load me up with what only seems like the whole pharmacy of drugs to clean and prep my arm for surgery. Well the intent is to give you so much drugs you pretty much pass out and let them do what they need to but for some reason I felt like fighting the slip into the unconscious. Maybe I was scared I wouldn't have an arm when I woke up or some stupid thing but I fight to stay awake which I somehow did. I am told even though I was somewhat conscious I would not remember or feel anything. Well when they started cleaning out the would I screamed at the top of my lungs like I was in some sort of medieval torture device. Perhaps I saw myself as the dread pirate Roberts (Wesley) from the princess bride or something but that is the sounds coming out of me. A grown man screaming at the top of his lungs in unbearable pain through the haze of drugs. Well when I could be somewhat aware of my surroundings again I get told that my emergency surgery is bumped from someone in far worse shape than me. Bummer, I could have used my arm back but hey I am luckier than that guy anyhow. So I go home that night and do my best to try and sleep all the while feeling what used to be my bones connected clicking together where they broke and I can honestly say it is one of the most disgusting and painful feelings I have ever had. Constant pain while you wait until tomorrow but again it is what it is, and you try and stay mentally strong here. Feeling sorry for yourself is not going to help you get better. I have a lot of lessons from my parents that they may or may not know I took from them because we have a very strained history, but they taught me things and this is one of them. Now nothing quite prepares you for the next step which is the surgery. Luckily we have great hospitals and even better doctors who are prepared for this kind of thing. I was at Lions Gate and they probably have a conveyor belt for injured bikers and boarders coming through. You get wheeled into a room on your back on a little metal slab into a room full of people in masks with loud noises and commotion. Nothing really prepares you to be staring at the ceiling of lights and stains smelling the chemicals and who knows what else but it's rough. I do not ever recommend going under the knife unless you have to obviously.

But if you do just try not to worry you will be in good hands and taken care of. The pic above is me trying to keep my spirits up at that very low moment. Also the drugs probably kicked in at that time so it is easier to smile. The whole point of me writing this is that you get told all the things you have to do to get your body back into shape and working properly but not many people talk about the mental aspects of an injury. It is mentally very hard to stay positive, To not go into a dark place, to know you'll be okay later doesn't really help now does it? You are in the now it is all you really know. So on top of feeling all the pain from surgery and trying to listen to instructions of what to do and what not to do and all the frustrations of being a fully grown person who has to ask for help constantly because the first few days you can't put on your own damn socks on sure as hell doesn't take long for people to say "so you better give up biking now" or "doesn't he think about how this impacts the people around him and his wife?" Well I can tell you I sure do. But are you going to stop driving because someone rear ends you? I hope not. When you step off a curb wrong and trip and break your ankle do you stop going outside? No you do not. So maybe when someone is going through some shit sometimes just try and have a little understanding that accidents happen. It is life and the sports I do are at high speeds and things can happen, but it doesn't mean you quit them it means you respect them. You try and be in the zone, you push yourself to be string to do these things. So for anyone who has shitty comments to make after a person hurts themselves in a way that isn't just a fail of the day how about you just shut your mouth and be nice? I don't think it is that hard really to be kind but that seems to be quickly disappearing these days. Now I am the king of talking shit and I love it but even I know when to have empathy when a situation sucks. So the bottom line is for anyone saying or asking if I will stop riding, the answer is a hard fucking no. I'll heal up and I will be back in the saddle as quick as I can. I will never quit, it isn't in me and it never will be. Put your shoulder down and push forward. Block out the noise, repair the breaks and get back to doing what you love no matter what that is or at what level. See you on the trails.